Note 2 Self

Every day you wake up is a win. Every rough night you make it through attests to your strength. You don’t have to feel strong to be strong, and you don’t have to be moving forward to be healing. It’s okay to be still for a minute, to breathe and reflect on where you’ve been and how much road is behind you now. The road ahead can be overwhelming —It was and still is for me.

On the days where you are ashamed of your scars or scared that perhaps today is the day they’ll reopen, try to remember how strong you have been.

You are here, and because you are here, you are strong.

We Need The Nourishment

Now here’s something for you to think about ….

A man wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.

He wrote: “I’ve gone for 30 years now, and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons, but for the life of me, I can’t remember a single one of them. So, I think I’m wasting my time. The preachers are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all”.

This started a real controversy in the ‘Letters to the Editor’ column.
Much to the delight of the editor, it went on for weeks until someone wrote this:

“I’ve been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today.
Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!”

When you are DOWN to nothing, God is UP to something! Faith is what sees the invisible, believes the incredible, and receives the impossible!

So be thankful for your physical and your spiritual nourishment!

This is the result of 3 hours of treatments today, trying to get 1 liter of pure vitamin K1 liquid in me to thicken my blood enough so that I don’t bleed to death. Brushing my teeth and even eating hard food causes my mouth to bleed. And every bathroom trip results in even more blood loss. Then there’s the poking from the needles, which usually results in a change of clothing and bedsheets.

It’s a darn good thing that I can handle the sight of my own blood. 💉

One More Failure

On Sunday night I was admitted to the ICU. Why? Because I’m a failure. That’s why.

There was internal bleeding and blah blah blah. Anyway yesterday my blood levals were improving. But this morning I am almost back at square one.

Initially I had a reading of 10, which is off the charts. A 10 is the highest recorded INR level and once it is reached the system stops recording. After receiving intensive care for 4 days yesterday my level was at 6. Today? 7.4 again. Very very weak. Cold. Exhausted. Sharp stomach pains.

And extremely discouraged.

Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure and having no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends but hating to socialize. It’s wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It’s caring about everything, then caring about nothing. It’s feeling everything at once, then feeling paralyzingly numb.