Trying to remind myself that my worth isn’t measured by my ability to give (or not give) birth to a child. I do acknowledge that the reason we have not been successful is due to my husband’s condition but that’s not the point. As a couple we are one.
Whether or not I can become pregnant is not something I look at as being any one’s responsibility. A child cannot be conceived by one without the other. Therefore when I think of conception I consider it to be a tragedy for us both. It’s often difficult to get inside my husband’s head or get him to open up much about how he feels about this but when he does feel in the mood to talk to me about it it seems like he has been gradually coming to terms with the whole thing. And I must admit that even I have become more accepting. We have even started making some big life changing decisions for our future which is pretty exciting.
But still. There are days like today when my heart aches and deep down I feel so empty. The inability to conceive does not make me less of a woman. I know that.
I know that in my mind. But my heart refuses to accept it. I read somewhere this morning that a barren belly does not mean I cannot birth a blessing and it has really stuck with me. It went on to say “Adopt the belief that you are whole, beautiful and amazing. Nurture these beliefs like a newborn. Take baby steps and watch your inner self love grow.”
My future is already pregnant with purpose and my life’s legacy is the most important ‘child’ I will leave behind on this earth.