I’m trying to make sense of what exactly is happening to me right now. I spent the night in hospital last night. It all started with some dull chest pain that wouldn’t go away. As the day progressed it kept getting more crushing and it was starting to get difficult to breath so I begrudgingly went to the ER. It ended up being a pulled chest muscle.
But spending the night in the exam room triggered the PTSD and the portal opened. Images of my unconscious, lifeless body lying on the stretcher with people running in and out, trying to stop my bleeding (when I had a car accident and lost my arm) Connecting me to catheters (which I unfortunately remember clearly) … and sometimes I wake up in a panic because I dream someone is standing at the foot of my bed trying to put a catheter in me.
Another incident was when I was lying on the stretcher with 2 nurses working on me, one on my arm and the other on my feet. Trying to get needles into me. So I lay there on my back and just glanced up above me on the wall at the bare bulletin board. I was immediately brought back to the many many times I have been there, in such a horrific mental state, and the boards had to be stripped for safety reasons. Staples and all tacks were things I’d grab and hack away at my skin.
Those are just 2 of the things that kept happening to me throughout the night. And now, at home, it continues.
My psychiatrist has diagnosed me in a full blown manic stage now. Maybe this is a part of it?