Ain’t Got Time For That

For the first time in a while I was able to get out of bed and face the day today without the heavy cloud of doom hanging over me, crushing down on my shoulders with the weight of its darkness. Its been a very rough couple of weeks. Buying a house has become quite the experience. And something I hope I never have to do again. I hope that this will be our forever home and that there will never be any reason that we will be forced to pack up and move. We are all packed up here in the apartment, have been for several weeks now. But every couple of days something comes up and the lawyer is calling me to say there will have to be another extension for the closing date. But I think the end is actually in sight and if all goes well, we will be moving sometime this week.

But I need to get a handle on my mental health. The bipolar highs and lows have been more extreme during the past month. I’m blaming it on the excessive amount of stress I’ve been under and hoping that this episode/flare up will work itself out without requiring intervention. So whenever I seem to have a moment where I can think straight without being bombarded with the nonsense of intrusive thoughts, I try to grab a hold of whatever coping skills I can.

And I believe that today was probably one of the best days in ages. I was alone all day but I feel good. I will soon be going to bed and I can think back over this day and smile because I know I did good. I got caught up on some chores around the apartment, washed my guinea pig’s blankets and bedding, watered all of the plants, had play time with my piggle wiggle and then I ended things with a very romantic supper prepared for 8pm, when David​ got off work. I had candles lit on the table. Food cooked, ready to be put on the plates. Music playing down low. And I greeted him at the door wearing my (only) dress (he always that I am his beautiful angel when I wear it). It was fantastic! I’ve never prepared a candle light dinner for us before but after sharing this incredibly romantic time with my lover tonight, I know that there will be many more to come.

I have a future. With David. With my little furbaby Toby, A new home to settle into and make it my own. We have a new addition coming to our little family next month – a 6 week old yellow Labrador puppy. And many more things in the upcoming weeks and months. So I have to get a hold of this depression. I cannot let it keep its hold on me. I ain’t got time for that!


About Secret Stains

I wanna do something that matters, say something different, something that sets the whole world on it's ear. i wanna do something better with the time I've been given and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life to prove I was here. I apologize if I seem absent minded sometimes. Sometimes I forget I'm still awake and say things out loud. Inside I am beginning to burst at the seams. There are so many secrets ... so many scars ... so many stains. This is me. Welcome to my world.
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