It’s NOT Ok To Not Be Ok

Lying awake a lot these past few nights, struggling to find some sort of relaxation, but obviously failing. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that everything in my life is going so well but my mind is sinking deeper and deeper into that dark hole. The guilt that rises with being “unstable”, being caught up in the whirlwind of bipolar disorder, is why I’m lying here right now feeling so lost and so alone.

One might tell me that it’s ok not to be ok. 

But that’s the thing…. I HAVE to be ok…..if I’m not ok then other things are not ok, things outside of me are hugely affected. I have so many roles to keep up, like wife, parent, dog trainer, cook, cleaner, banker, secretary, dishwasher, etc. I’ve been doing great at maintaining it all. Stable on meds. Working routine. But the “symptoms” that have been creeping up on me are infiltrating all of that now, making every single individual task that I do seem almost impossible. It’s not so easy to hide behind anymore.


About Secret Stains

I wanna do something that matters, say something different, something that sets the whole world on it's ear. i wanna do something better with the time I've been given and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life to prove I was here. I apologize if I seem absent minded sometimes. Sometimes I forget I'm still awake and say things out loud. Inside I am beginning to burst at the seams. There are so many secrets ... so many scars ... so many stains. This is me. Welcome to my world.
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