It’s NOT Ok To Not Be Ok

Lying awake a lot these past few nights, struggling to find some sort of relaxation, but obviously failing. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that everything in my life is going so well but my mind is sinking deeper and deeper into that dark hole. The guilt that rises with being “unstable”, being caught up in the whirlwind of bipolar disorder, is why I’m lying here right now feeling so lost and so alone.

One might tell me that it’s ok not to be ok. 

But that’s the thing…. I HAVE to be ok…..if I’m not ok then other things are not ok, things outside of me are hugely affected. I have so many roles to keep up, like wife, parent, dog trainer, cook, cleaner, banker, secretary, dishwasher, etc. I’ve been doing great at maintaining it all. Stable on meds. Working routine. But the “symptoms” that have been creeping up on me are infiltrating all of that now, making every single individual task that I do seem almost impossible. It’s not so easy to hide behind anymore.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s