Ashley, I Miss You

My heart is hurting so much today. Its an anniversary. But not the kind which you would celebrate. She was 24 when she took her life.

I lost a part of me when Ashley died. My best friend. My roommate. My soul sister. During that year before she passed I was caught up in one of the most difficult times in my life but she was always there for me. Many wonderful memories were made sitting around our kitchen table in our 3 bedroom basement apartment, spending hours upon hours drinking our own special brew of coffee and playing crazy eights. I still keep our score notebook on my shelf.

She was with me through my drug addiction, my alcohol binging, my worst point with my eating disorder, and all of the self harm. She kept me alive. She was so supportive to me even though she was also going through hell herself.

Some say that we had a very unhealthy friendship because we both were struggling with the same addictions. But they are wrong. I can honestly say that without Ashley’s friendship I would not be sitting here writing this right now. Unfortunately, Ashley did not make it.

My best friend took her life on October 20th.

Throughout my entire life I have never had many friends but Ashley taught me the true meaning of friendship. She taught me how to be a friend.

Do you have a friend or family member or even a co-worker that seems to be struggling right now? The worst you can do is pull away. Let your friend know that you care, watch for warning signs, and be prepared to call for help. It is better to risk a friendship by breaking a confidence than to lose a friend forever to suicide.

I miss you Ashley.

You never said you’re leaving
You never said goodbye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why

A million times I’ve needed you
And a million times I’ve cried
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died

In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart I hold a place
That only you can fill


About Secret Stains

I wanna do something that matters, say something different, something that sets the whole world on it's ear. i wanna do something better with the time I've been given and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life to prove I was here. I apologize if I seem absent minded sometimes. Sometimes I forget I'm still awake and say things out loud. Inside I am beginning to burst at the seams. There are so many secrets ... so many scars ... so many stains. This is me. Welcome to my world.
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2 Responses to Ashley, I Miss You

  1. Tessa says:

    Sorry for your loss!


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