Dear Self, Where Did You Go?

I’ve got so many thoughts running through my very crowded mind. But It’s like my brain has slowed down; like somebody has cut off the oxygen being fed to it and the cells are started to die off one by one. Processing information seems like such an impossible task. 

Unfortunately I know this is a big symptom of an oncoming depressive episode. But it could also be many other things. Maybe my brain is just really tired. Maybe everything about me is tired. I’m not exactly sure. But I have been really worried. I have episodes of memory loss. I forget words. Mid sentence I pause, knowing what I have to say yet with my mouth open, the word will not come out. 

I feel so stupid. I feel that I am gradually losing identity. I am far from the person I was 5 years ago. I would never be able to carry out a full university course load and pass with good grades now. A few years ago I was among the top students. Where has that girl gone?

Damn you, brain.  


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