Ok so I need to be honest. This weekend has been my worst 3 days of eating in months. I completely let myself go on a 72 hour binge and I am feeling so ashamed of myself that I’m lying here in bed at my mother in laws house, it’s 2 in the morning, and I can’t sleep because I feel miserable.
I’m bloated. My stomach hurts. My legs are restless (it gets really bad when I don’t drink enough water). And it SUCKS. I’ve seen parts of the old, unhealthy, bulimic me come back and I gotta say – she ain’t pretty.
I haven’t had any fruit or veggies. Ive eaten things that are are heavy and rich and so full of calories that I’ve had 2 weeks worth in a short amount of time.
Hot dogs and birthday cake and homemade chip dip made of 5 kinds of cheese, bacon, cream, onion and big bags of potato chips and pounds of wings drenched in sauce and the list goes on.
I haven’t had any physical activity. I’ve barely stood on my own 2 feet. But I legitimately couldn’t do much about that unless I actually did it on the side of the road because we’ve been traveling a lot and have only been at the house to go to bed.
Drove 4 1/2 hrs then stopped in Bay Roberts for 2 hours. Then drove to Cupids and stayed for 4 hours. Then to Tillton and went to bed. Got up and went to set up a birthday party at the preschool here. Had the party. I was her photographer so I was steady go. 5:30 we left and met family for supper at Wing n It. Left there and went to visit other friends to help with her wedding planning. And that’s just part of it!
All that said, I failed miserably in my journey to become a healthy person and I hate myself for not putting the effort into making this weekend WORK. I just do not do well without a schedule. Throw a new routine my way and I fall apart.
Enough is enough though. I cannot go back to that life. I need structure and things that make my body feel good. So goodbye FOREVER to HER. These 3 days were more than enough to show me how bad things WERE and how good I can have it NOW. It’s one thing to have an unhealthy meal or some junk food and cake at a party or a few drinks of alcohol. That’s a part of life and I know I will have that. But a 72 hour binge like I have had is not necessary. This binging and purging has taken years away from me and I have done so well with recovery.
I can’t turn back now.