I used walk this road alone

I used to fight with sticks and stones

But now I know what I believe
And I win my battles on my knees
I pray
Even when the lights go out
And the darkest cloud

Tries to hold me down

I pray
Even when I don’t know why
And my hands feel tied
I’m afraid at night
I’m not giving up

I pray

When one of your Inspirations takes his own life …

My heart is just breaking today. I feel shattered inside and very emotional. You see, I have never met or even spoken to Jarrrid personally. But I am a big follower of his. All three social media sites, podcast that he has been on, books he has written, and just the words that he writes on his Facebook page keeps drawing me to him. He is one of my favourite people that I follow and I look forward to his posts every day because I find that I can relate to him on a personal level.

But this happened.

I logged onto his website and this was there:

Jarrid Wilson, pastor and author of Love Is Oxygen: How God Can Give You Life and Change Your World, died by suicide on Monday September 9, 2019. The news of his death came the next day on World Suicide Prevention Day 2019.

I just stared at my screen and didn’t move. I didn’t know if it was real or if it was a Spam message or what. I knew that he struggled with mental health issues but I really did not expect something like this. But the more I read the more I realized that no. This isn’t a Spam message. This is the truth.

Jarrid was passionate child of God and church pastor, worked so hard to help others find their own way out of hopelessness, depression, and suicidal thoughts…but on Monday it ended.

Jarrid was a 30-year-old husband and father of two precious children.

Rise Up, Beautiful One

You have been sitting in the ash heap of your broken heart and burned up dreams. You had to rest and be still there a while, because your pain was so immensely great. You felt stuck, but had to be still for Poppa God to heal you. He sat there next to you in your great pain and grief. At times you couldn’t feel His presence, and this pained you, because the depths of emotion were so dark and lonely.

Many friends and family were there at the beginning, but they finally stopped hanging around. In your time of isolation, you were being held under the very wing of His love. His shadow was protecting you from the harsh exposure of your brokenness. You were laid out bare and feeling naked. False shame and the soot of your ashes made you feel unlovable and unworthy. You felt that all eyes saw only your mistakes and your rejections -your ashes; but He was washing you gently. Pulling out the splinters and shards of glass that penetrated your heart.

The abandonment you felt was so heavy, you thought you could never be loved again, but He was with you all the time. Some nights were so long and so lonely, your tears fell like waterfalls. Your pillow was soaked at night. You bravely smiled in the daylight and told others you were fine.

Your soul was being strengthened. Your resilience was emerging. Your faith was growing through the thickets and briers …stronger, reaching high to the heavens. You didn’t know this, but the saints were cheering you on. God Himself was holding your hand when no-one would comfort you.

Your tears have been collected carefully in His perfume bottle. His oil of gladness is now replacing the sorrows for songs of joy. Rise up, Beloved. Out of your ash heap you will rise. He is pouring out His sacred, sweet oil on your head. He is the Glory and lifter of your head.

Those who look to Him are radiant and their faces are never covered in shame. The traces of the ashes are no more. Your robes are radiant and white, glimmering like diamonds -just as the afternoon sun shines on a lake.

There will be scars from what you overcame, but they are your marks of beauty for His glory and purpose. The pain will fade away, but your strength and faith will remain.

You will rise, Darling. You will stand on the heap of the enemy, with his head crushed under your feet. You will walk in honor and beauty. You will be celebrated as one who is a mighty and brave warrior -a princess anointed as queen at the table of the King of Glory.

Do you hear Him call out to you?

“Rise up, Beautiful One. You are my Beloved, and I am faithfully yours.”

The Struggle Is Real

I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out…. I know better, yet I fall into sin. The only thing is that i don’t stay there. I acknowledge it and get back up. I have the desire to do the right things but guess what? I still can’t carry it out…in my own strength that is.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
What Christian has not battled with the flesh? We end up doing just what we don’t want to do…but we do it anyway. You are not alone. You are in good company.

Believe me.

When the evil is inside your own head and you know it’s time to kill it …..