Every 40 Seconds



Preventing Nighttime Berating

It has been a surprisingly good day today. When I got up with hubby at 6am to keep him company while he got ready for work I was feeling wide awake so rather than go back to bed and sleep until noon like I always do, I stayed up.

It turned into a self care day. Gave myself pedicures. I filed my feet really good so they feel nice and soft now. And I moisturized with Dove baby lotion. My favorite!! I also put a few pink highlights in my hair. Watched a few of my favorite shows. Listened to music and had a dance party with the dogs. Did some gardening. Mixed up some liquid fertilizer and fed all my indoor plants. Cooked supper and fed David. Then sat down and fed the dogs.

So after everything and everyone was happy and fed I cleaned up the kitchen and then sat and made chore list. I listed every room in the house and then for each room I listed each individual cleaning task that needs to be done. It will help me stay on top of things without getting too obsessed with it.

Each weekday I will do one room. I’ll check off the tasks on my list and it should help me feel accomplished. Rather than doing random things all through the house and neither room really getting fully cleaned.

It’s a way for me to prevent the compulsive thoughts from driving me over the edge and making every night a sleepless one, where I lie awake in the dark, berating myself for not finishing the bathroom.

Its really frustrating to be inside my head sometimes.

You Think I Wouldn’t Love To Do That?!

When you first become sick they will show you sympathy. They’ll send you cards and hope that you get well soon. The call or text to check in on you and see how you’re doing. They’ll cut you some slack because of your situation. They’ll be understanding when you have trouble keeping up with them.

But once your illness becomes a chronic condition they wonder why you can’t get better. They show impatience and frustration. They stop trying to include you in their plans. They ask why you aren’t trying harder. They just don’t get it. They just want you to be able bodied again so that you are not inconveniencing them.

People get tired of you being sick but they don’t stop to think that you’re probably tired of being sick too. They don’t take the time to think about how you would love to just get over it. They don’t care enough to realize that you did not choose this.


My day? Not too good. I haven’t gotten out of bed other than to pee and feed the puppers. I’m in excruciating pain in all my joints. The soles of my feet and the front of the legs are crimson red and hot and the blankets even hurt me. Having a flare up of CRPS. Not fun.