Getting A Grip

OK so, I struggle every day with OCD. I also have a love hate relationship with housework and every day chores. My house is always clean and I am always striving to keep on top of the chores. But yet it consumes me. It takes me longer to do each task because I have to do it all with one hand. 
But I always manage to get it done one way or another, and it’s always done well. But when you throw in the obsessive-compulsive tendencies, I really struggle. Nothing I ever do is ever good enough, for me. And it’s never enough. 
Things have been escalating lately and it has made life inside of my head quite unbearable. So yesterday I sat down with my notebook and I broke down my house room by room. I did A page for each room and then for each room I’ve listed every individual thing that I need to clean in that room. I made it very detailed and each task was very simple. And I have committed to sticking to one room per day. Rather than going around all the time, freaking out, because there is so much cleaning that has to be done and then crumbling under the pressure that I keep putting on myself, I’m going to attempt a new routine. I will focus on one room each day. When my checklist is complete, then I’m off the hook for any other cleaning, except laundry and dishes. My goal? To ease some of my anxiety and to stop the feelings of panic I have every day. I don’t want to be at the circus or at anniversary parties thinking about going home so I can change the sheets in our bed. 

I’m saying it here so I can be accountable. I need to do this. Because I’m starting to go crazy. 

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Being Vulnerable-On Purpose

Whether it’s shielding us from the rain with their coats, getting up in the night to check out strange noises or giving that creepy guy a look that tells them to quit staring, there are lots of ways that guys can make us feel safe. When he is in protection mode, he will feel kind of like a super hero. So I have been trying to let my guard down a little bit lately and not try to be Wonder Woman all the time. I try to do everything for myself but I’ve actually come to realize that my hubby actually loves to take care of me and protect me. It makes him feel needed. It makes him feel useful. And it makes him feel like a man. So take it from someone who is just learning this – guys get turned on when they feel superior. Let him feel like you need him to protect you – even if you’re used to doing it all on your own. And just watch what happens. 

You won’t regret it. 

Excited About Life

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Its amazing how much my life has changed in the past 6 weeks. I am feeling much healthier than I have in years. I have made many changes in the way I go through my days. I am managing my time better.

I have increased the frequency and content of my eating. You’d think that would cause weight gain right? WRONG! Done in the right way, this can actually INCREASE weight LOSS! The types of foods that fill my plate are so much different than they used to be. I’m AWARE of things.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and setting personal goals, short term and long term. I’ve become excited about creating a future for myself.

Do you know how long its been since I’ve truly experienced feelings of happiness and content?? To be honest, I don’t think I ever have. I am slowly stepping out of my comfort zone and taking on new ventures. You can expect to see some exciting updates in the upcoming weeks!

I have to say that signing up for the 21 day challenge group back in May was the best decision ever because it sparked in me something new. And I’m loving it!

Fostering The Dream

After lying here in bed, browsing blog after blog after heart wrenching blog while listening to what sounds like a freight train, my heart aches in ways that just keep getting stronger.

Tomorrow I have to call the case worker to touch base and schedule an appointment. Next step is the home study.

God be with us.