To my future adopted child:
Although I don’t know who you are, or if you’ve even been born yet, I am anxious to meet you. I daydream about you all the time. I cry because you aren’t here with me yet.
What are you doing right now? I’ve been enjoying my early thirties: Loving your silly daddy, raising your tiny 4 legged brother, Toby, (who is a Guinea pig by the way), and your furry 4 legged sister, Zoey, (the dog), and settling into our very first home;
Basically doing things most people my age do.
But lately I’ve felt that empty space growing bigger. And you? Are you still just a speck of nothingness, waiting to be born? Or are you in an unhappy family, just waiting to fall apart, landing you into the foster system? Are you okay tonight?
You won’t share my genes, so I can’t even guess what you might be like. You could be an infant or a ten year old child, tired of the many foster families. You could have blue eyes, brown skin, red hair — or look just like me. You could be waiting in Gander, St. John’s, or even in Labrador.
But I want to assure you: No matter who you are, we were created for each other. In fact, my life experiences have specially created me for you:
I’ve spent many years teaching and caring for young kids, developing the kind of open heart that’s able to take in dozens of children when their own mother can’t be there. At the preschool whenever one of my ‘kids’ cried over a skinned knee, or hid behind their jackets in the coat closet when their parents left for work , I practiced being a mother.
Yes, I can love you and be your mother, even if you’ve already had another mother before me. I won’t be jealous. (Well, maybe a little.)
I’ve got lots of practice teaching little ones how to walk, how to count, how to read, and how to be kind to their classmates. I have even worked with children that have extra special needs, some who were quiet and listened well while others were loud and preferred to scream all day. And I loved them the most, because I knew they needed that extra patience and understanding, but also extra guidance and even firmness.
So many well-meaning people have told me, “You’ll be such a good mother someday!” And I know that!! It just seems so unfair. But you know, that will make you and I fit even better. While you learned the pain of not having parents, I have learned the emptiness of being childless. I’ve watched friends have fun baby showers while I know you have watched friends holding their mommy’s hand at school. We know each other’s pain and that’s why we will fully appreciate each other’s joy.
So you can see, our lives are crafting us for each other. Every painful moment, every life skill we develop, they will make sense when we meet each other for the first time.
A friend once said to me, “I know you want to pass on your genetics. Your eyes. Those cheeks. But you will pass on what matters — you will pass on your soul and your mind.”
I’ve held onto those words some nights, when I’m wishing for you, my future son or daughter. I worry over you even now. Is your life going okay? What experiences might you have before we meet each other? Will you ever meet our beloved pets, or will they be gone by the time you come? You’d really love them, especially our dog. Her name is Zoey. She’d love you, too. She loves everyone but especially kids! I really hope you guys can meet and become best friends.
Will you meet my mom? Aka your Nanny? Or what about your Poppy ? They’d sure love to meet you and just hold you. They’re always wondering when you’ll come.
Some women wait for a soul mate, the man (or woman) they are destined to be with. But I am destined for you. I am meant to be your mother. I can’t wait to meet you someday, when the time is right. Life is preparing us. God is preparing us to be together.