Just Another Day


I have a protein deficiency. My levels can drop very quickly and unexpectedly. When they do, it sets off my CRPD (Complex Regional Pain Disorder). And sometimes I break out in a rash. The nerve endings beneath my skin throughout my body become so inflamed that, in simple terms, it burns my skin from the inside out. This rash on my neck is actually a burn caused by flaming nerve endings. This disorder is HELL. My body is like an inferno. It creates unbearable pain inside me that often is too much to cope with. Sometimes my extremities become swollen. Some days, like today, I have burning skin. Other days my body is so weak that I can’t function normally. I wake up at night in tears because the blankets covering me hurt so much.


 This what it’s like to have CRPD. There’s no cure. And it’s extremely hard to even get minimal control of the symptoms because this disorder has a mind of its own and can never be predicted. 


But I know that one big trigger for me are drops in my protein levels. So I’m sitting here at the trailer drinking what I consider to be my ‘medicine’ as I patiently go with the flow of life with Complex Regional Pain Disorder.

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This Sickening Illness 

The times I’ve spent bingeing, and purging, are quite simply some of the filthiest moments I have had in my life; they are snapshots of time that are so violently maimed by my actions, that I hate to think about them and my repulsive behaviours. 

Bulimia nervosa as a whole is a disgusting illness in many ways for a crazy number of reasons, but my behaviour during a binge and then the purge is by far the most sickening. 

Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome

RSD is a very painful disease/illness.  It’s considered the most painful illness known to the medical community.  I have been dealing with this for the past 4 years and I continue to battle with it every single day and what it’s doing to my body.  It started in my left leg and has gradually gone full body.  I deal with the burning, stabbing, throbbing, and pins and needles everywhere.  The pain is never the same. The only continuous thing is the pain itself. Most days I take pain meds like candy.

CRPS and RSD are the same thing.  Multiple names are used for the same crippling monster. It affects females more then males.  Sometimes it is unknown as to the cause of this developing. Other times it can be triggered by a trauma and mine started with my broken back in the car accident. My skin is usually cold and the deeper surfaces are hot and have an exaggerated blood circulation. This is resulting in osteoporosis, increased risk of fractures of my bones, areas of extreme swelling and fluid formation between my bones and joints can be identified on MRI, and severe pain is always affecting every part of me.

In some cases of RSD the blood vessels to the kidney are affected causing episodes of sudden brief and temporary bleeding through the kidney accompanied by a marked elevation of blood pressure. This can also cause nose bleeds, severe headaches, dizziness, and even passing out spells. Avoiding ice, encouraging light exercise, moist heat, epsom salts and hot water, and the newer antidepressants as the best treatments for RSD. Daily scheduled doses of morphine and percocet are also a part of my current treatment. All of which seem to be failing me miserably because I am currently experiencing more pain and discomfort than ever before.

And after my most recent appointment with my doctor, a new treatment for me to consider – medical marijuana. Now where do I go from here?

Immunity 

It’s been 3 days now since I lost my voice. Strep that then led to laryngitis. First time I’ve had that. It’s very frustrating. My brother in law and his gf just left, after staying here for the weekend. It was nice but now my throat is even worse than before. I really don’t want to go to the doctor but I’m beginning to think more and more that I should go. I’m afraid this is turning into pneumonia. 

Darn immune system. 

No Cover-Up’s

I want my blog to be something that shows how a real person deals with the ups and downs in life. I don’t sugar coat anything. I don’t hide the struggles and just post happy, positive things. No one has a life like that and I am not afraid to share my struggles. For one, its real. To cry, to feel pain, have family struggles, financial burdens, etc. Life is like that. Full of so many different things. Secondly, I have spent too many years hidden behind a thick mask that put a smile to my face when in fact I was crying behind it. I no longer need to do that because I am who I am and I am not seeking anyone’s approval.
My blog is a place where I share my faith, my hopes and dreams, and my happiness as well as my heartaches. I do not seek attention and I couldn’t care less if you read my updates or not. But if you do, I hope that somehow my life will be a blessing. To show that God can use the most broken people of this world to share their stories of how God’s miracles have saved their lives and that a tiny bit of faith can move huge mountains is a high calling. And that is my goal.
I am human. I make a lot of mistakes and mess things up quite often. I love to laugh and I adore small animals. One day I would like to have 5 guinea pigs, a cat, and a huge dog and they will all be the greatest of friends. I am an amputee. This causes a lot of heartache and a lot of pain. I deal with chronic pain with every single breath I take. But I fight through it. I also have Bipolar Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Mental illness is often misunderstood by many ppl. Even though I sometimes feel it, I am not crazy. I am not an attention-seeker and I am not touchy or sensitive. I am sick. I am also passionately in love with my husband. I pray for him and our marriage on a daily basis. He truly is my other half. Every time I think or say his name I smile. There could not be any stronger passion  than that I feel for David​.
So this is me. And this is my blog. I hope those of you reading this will embrace me the way I am and not judge me by any photos or entries you may see. Everything I post here represents me and my beliefs in one way or another and you have to be willing to take the good with the bad. This is real life. My life. And you can choose to be blessed by it or you can judge me by it. But my goal is to let you get a glimpse of how God works in the lives of his children. And I hope you can see that by following me here. Social media doesn’t always have to me a bad thing!