It has become very clear to me over the past few days that having bipolar disorder not only affects me, but it affects everyone around me as well. I am currently dealing with a hypo manic state. At the end of 2 weeks of it now. I had been struggling with depression that just would not lift. It wasn’t an episode that I would call severe as I didn’t reach the suicidal point. But it was affecting my everyday life, giving me days of hiding from the world, not leaving my apartment, not engaging much with my husband, and so on.
So my psychiatrist did a medication switch and I have been on a combination of Effexor, Welbutrin, Lithium and a dose of Seroquel at night. It was a gradual switch and increase and it appeared to work wonders. The cloud seemed to lift and my thinking became much more clear and I have even taken on a new Avon business. I’ve been needing less and less sleep and I’ve been feeling great.
Except … it’s become a little too great. I’m not sleeping much at all now. I have energy levels that cannot be depleted no matter how much activity I engage in during the day. I just want to jump out of my own skin. It’s like there is some sort of electricity inside of me. My brain is buzzing all the time. I find it very hard to focus on ANYTHING. I can’t even cook a meal because I get so distracted with other things around me. There has been an increase in our electricity bill as well. There are Tvs or music going in every room. Lights on everywhere. And my body temperature is constantly high. I always need a fan going so that there is some air flowing around me. If not I feel suffocated and unable to breathe.
And my hubby is feeling the effects of this. I talk. Alllll day. He hasn’t had a decent nights sleep in a few weeks because I am in bed trying to talk to him about every single random thing that crosses my mind. I talk while he is on the phone. I talk while he tries to watch tv. I even talk while he’s in the shower. Come to think of it, he was getting an epsom salt bath the other night and I was sitting on the toilet (cover down) talking to him. I actually think he is suffering more than I am.
He took me off guard yesterday and asked when I see my psychiatrist again. Says I need to get my meds adjusted somehow because this is becoming too much and it’s getting worse.
That’s the thing with mental illness. It affects everyone in your life, not just you. And often it’s your loved ones who see your struggles more then you do.