Grown Up Troubles

Question – Do you know how to create a sexual connection so strong that your man is calling in sick to work and cancelling his plans so that he can spend more time with you? or…do you just hope deep down inside that he would.

Another question – are you able to turn your guy on so much that he brags to his friends about you?

And do you use different sex techniques and positions or do you use the same few repeatedly?

Not sure about you but I’d love to have a man who’s completely obsessed with me. I’m not a fan of jealousy but I do think it would feel nice to have a guy get a bit uptight if another guy was staring at me. A guy who loves to rip my clothes off as soon as we get home because the sexual tension gets so strong when we’re together.

I’d love to be in a relationship like that. And I think I’m like a lot of other women when I say that I really have no idea how to make all that happen. I don’t know how to build sexual tension to make my husband crave me and I don’t know what sexual techniques will light the passion in him to keep him hooked. I wish I could just look at him and turn him on with just my eyes. Like if we are out for supper somewhere, I’d love to be able to make him hard from across the table.

But I can’t do any of this. And being a plus size woman makes it all that much harder. Skimpy, revealing lingerie is not an option for me because nothing fits my body. And a lot of the various sex positions just aren’t doable because my tummy gets in the way.

There are tons of websites that have great information to help spice up your sex life but it all just repeats. It’s all the same stuff. It would be great if I could find things directed to bigger girls. If I only had the answers then I’d make a website myself!

But I don’t. Which is why I’m stuck in a place where nothing is spicy. And I love my spice! Definitely not a fan of anything bland. Time to get creative I guess and add some new things to my toybox 🍭

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Effects of Meds on Marriage

I’m trying to decide which can cause more damage to my marriage: the medication side effects or an unmedicated illness.

Ever since I started medication for my bipolar disorder years ago, I have secretly struggled with a decrease in sexual desire.

I could stop the meds. Then I wouldn’t have to force myself to have sex with my husband. I wouldn’t have to start mentally preparing myself in the morning so that I could initiate sex that night and make my husband think I’m all fired up.

I am, in fact, fired up. But it’s not something that instantly happens anymore. I can’t get spontaneously turned on and desire sex at random times. Not since I began treatment for bipolar disorder.

I have to spend hours working towards it. Mentally, I self talk.  I do thinks to make myself FEEL pretty. Paint my nails. Or style my hair. Send David a few kinky texts at work. Texts I have already written and prepared and saved in a file. Ready for when I need them. Maybe I put clean sheets in our bed.

And sometimes I go to our “special” drawer. A place where we keep our adult toys. I hold one and visualize the things we’ve done with it. I pick up another and another and imagine what I could do with it with David that night.

Sometimes I start to feel a tinge of desire. Of longing. And I begin to get excited for him to get home from work. I lie back on my bed and all of a sudden I feel like crying.

I should not have to work this hard and I should definitely not need to prepare myself like this in order to be intimate with my own husband. So I battle with the thought of stopping my medications.

If I do that, what happens then? A completely different problem arises. The bipolar itself. A whole new kind of strain on our marriage.

Stopping my meds means the depression will surface. I won’t want to get out of bed. I’ll be very irritable and end up causing arguments with my husband over little insignificant things. Without my meds I blow up over everything.

I may become manic. End up spending our mortgage money on dog toys on eBay. I stop sleeping so I don’t even make it to bed for nights on end.

And sex? Yeah! I can’t control myself. I want to be touching him all the time. I need to be near him every minute that he’s home, often causing him frustration because I take away his personal space.

Then we argue.

We get frustrated.

And I get suicidal.

All of this because I stopped my medication so that I could be more intimate with my husband. But instead, the bipolar has made things even worse.

So ultimately, what has more effect on intimacy in my marriage? I don’t exactly have an answer to that. Living with bipolar isn’t easy and there isn’t a single area of my life that isn’t affected. I wake up every morning, afraid. Afraid that he will leave me because intimacy is so complicated for us.

So what would cause more damage to my marriage? Taking the medication or living with untreated bipolar disorder? I’m not sure and I’m not about to find out.

Because thankfully I have an amazing guy who tries his best to understand me and my illness. We communicate openly about intimacy in our relationship and I know that I won’t ever have to stop my medication in order to keep my husband satisfied sexually.

And I hope you never feel the need to do that either.

Being Vulnerable-On Purpose

Whether it’s shielding us from the rain with their coats, getting up in the night to check out strange noises or giving that creepy guy a look that tells them to quit staring, there are lots of ways that guys can make us feel safe. When he is in protection mode, he will feel kind of like a super hero. So I have been trying to let my guard down a little bit lately and not try to be Wonder Woman all the time. I try to do everything for myself but I’ve actually come to realize that my hubby actually loves to take care of me and protect me. It makes him feel needed. It makes him feel useful. And it makes him feel like a man. So take it from someone who is just learning this – guys get turned on when they feel superior. Let him feel like you need him to protect you – even if you’re used to doing it all on your own. And just watch what happens. 

You won’t regret it. 

He rolls over in the night and reaches for me, tucks an arm around me, pulls me close. I am blessed abundantly, and I do not push this love away. My body and heart have earned these rights—to be held closely and safely, to be made love to riotously and thoroughly.

To be loved through and through, and then over again.

To be at peace, mind and body.