Don’t Suffer Alone

If you or someone you know is in distress or considering suicide, there are places to turn for support right here in our province, including your doctor or Newfoundland and Labrador’s Mental Health Crisis Centre at (709) 737-4668.

The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention website also has information about where to find help.

You NEVER have to struggle alone. Sometimes it’s easier to talk on the phone than it is face to face and that’s why these services are available. You can access them from all over the world, not just in Newfoundland. So if you are struggling, I urge you to take the biggest step of all and break your silence by confiding in someone.

I wish I had known about these services when I was in that dark place. But I’m glad I know now because I can share it with you guys. I hope you all have a safe night 💜

#SuicideHotline #SuicidePrevention #DontSufferAlone #SufferInSilenceNoMore #DepressionHurts #PickUpThePhone #SomeoneIsWaitingToTalkToYou

Battling Guilt Over Suicide Prevention

National Suicide Prevention Month is observed each September and survivors often see social media plastered with the simple message that suicide can be prevented. As a survivor, this upsets me.

Short posts and memes say that by showing someone you care or by picking up a phone you can or may save a life. Notice the words “can” and “may” in those sentences?  I feel that many people miss those words, if they are even included. Those words are crucial to the message because saving a life is NOT always the outcome.

Without the words “can” or “may,” anyone reading these messages who have never experienced the horror of having a loved one die by suicide can easily think that a person who has had this type of tragedy must not have loved enough or cared enough or have ever had those conversations with the person who had ended their life. Even worse, an individual who has lost a loved one to suicide may read those statements and be overwhelmed by guilt thinking that there was something more they could have done!

We know better, and hindsight is a huge struggle for survivors. As if we don’t already second-guess everything we said or did, over and over, while reliving the days leading up to the death of our loved one …

My best friend died from suicide. She struggled for many years with an eating disorder, self injury, mental illness and addiction. I tried to encourage her on a daily basis. I found counseling for her and offered suggestions for various treatments. I sought help for myself so I could better help her. Not only were we friends joined at the hip, but we were also roommates sharing the same apartment. She was the first face I saw when I woke up in the morning and she was usually there when I went to bed at night. We spent many sleepless nights talking for hours on end. She sat at the foot of my bed for comfort while I went through some of the darkest days of my own life, and I did the same for her. What more could I have possibly done to show her that I cared?

I have experienced a lot of guilt surrounding Ashley’s death. Then I see all these social media posts, blog entries, and pamphlets stating that suicide is preventable. I don’t think people realize how damaging it is and the huge burden of guilt that it creates for us survivors in saying things like this. I really think that instead of coming out and saying that it is preventable, all of these prevention and awareness campaigns should add the words “can” be prevented or “may” be prevented.

Just sayin.

Grief Doesn’t Stop 4 Anyone 


I am really miss you this morning, Ashley. I’m sitting here drinking a tea and my heart is aching because I miss you so much. I wish you were alive so you could sit with me right now. My life was so exciting when you were here. My best friend. My soul sister. I feel so empty and alone this morning. 💔

I see your smile, I see your face

I hear you laughing in the rain

I still can’t believe you’re gone

But God knows how much I miss you

And with the hell that I’ve been through

At times I wish I could take your place

Right now I’m wondering, who you’d be today ….

Just Another Day


I have a protein deficiency. My levels can drop very quickly and unexpectedly. When they do, it sets off my CRPD (Complex Regional Pain Disorder). And sometimes I break out in a rash. The nerve endings beneath my skin throughout my body become so inflamed that, in simple terms, it burns my skin from the inside out. This rash on my neck is actually a burn caused by flaming nerve endings. This disorder is HELL. My body is like an inferno. It creates unbearable pain inside me that often is too much to cope with. Sometimes my extremities become swollen. Some days, like today, I have burning skin. Other days my body is so weak that I can’t function normally. I wake up at night in tears because the blankets covering me hurt so much.


 This what it’s like to have CRPD. There’s no cure. And it’s extremely hard to even get minimal control of the symptoms because this disorder has a mind of its own and can never be predicted. 


But I know that one big trigger for me are drops in my protein levels. So I’m sitting here at the trailer drinking what I consider to be my ‘medicine’ as I patiently go with the flow of life with Complex Regional Pain Disorder.

What’s The Deal With Pain?

 

Why does it interfere with all aspects of life?
Why is it the instigator of such strife? How does it start? How is it so off the chart? It demands to be felt. This hand it has dealt. It consumes…it engulfs… it challenges your thoughts. A five or a ten, Is different friend to friend. How does our body register…And process and make sense…This beautiful complex body system that God created, Is so often understated, In the midst how do you find the joy? Or is it really all just a ploy?It challenges your faith. Yet, gives you so much grace. You see the suffering of others…You feel the pain that more than bothers. Yet, a reminder of the One who suffered more, Who knew what was in store. Who went humbly onto the cross, A death, yet not a loss. His life was not in vain, Future heaven now my gain. A future I can see, I can now grasp it was for me. Freed one day from the pain, This life is not what will remain. My body still hurts. The pain still entangles, engulfs. But things of this world are temporal, One day the pain will be no more. The pain of today, Yet, the comfort, the hope, And the longing of tomorrow. Relieves me of the sorrow. The journey is still hard, But will not be in vain. 
This is the deal with pain. 

((By: Katie))

You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.

Ok so there has been this thing going around on facebook lately regarding self esteem and self love. People are being tagged and asked to post 5 pictures (aka selfies) that represent 5 different times in which you felt beautiful; pictures that reveal your own true genuine beauty – in your own personal opinion.

I don’t think it should be just kept to facebook so I’m bring my post here as well. Healthy self image is something that should be encouraged every day. A lot of us, including myself, struggle daily with being able to see our reflection and not cringing, muttering some very cruel things in response, because loving ourselves is something we have never been able to do. We don’t want to feel this way and it feels as if there will never be a day that we will be able to look in the mirror and think, damn! I look good! I say ‘we’ because I know the majority of us feel this way.

How can we change this? How can you start loving yourself and stop the self hatred? I’m not sure, to be honest. I haven’t figured that out. But going through some pictures and picking out 5 that make me feel beautiful could be a start.

Now I challenge YOU. If you’re reading my post right now, you can do this too. 5 pictures. Let all of us see how truly radiant you are, even if you just crawled out of bed and your hair looks like a haystack. If you accept my challenge, link back to me because I would love to see your pictures.

Here are mine:

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This is a rare picture because I simply refuse to have any taken of me that show from my shoulders down. But I felt so proud that day. I had just married my soulmate and I had my mom, the most beautiful woman I know, standing right beside me.

 

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I am an amputee. I have no left arm. I do not wear a prosthetic device of any kind. A part of my body was torn away from me in a car accident. But I am still beautiful.

 

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I love experimenting with my hair. The funkier the colors, the better I feel. Different is beautiful.

 

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I am enough.

 

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This picture represents a different kind of beauty. I am strong. I am a fighter. I. Am. Alive. And now, I consider life a beauty in itself. After several suicide attempts and then a near fatal car accident, I accepted the fact that I am meant to live. So I began fighting. After 10 weeks lying flat in a hospital bed with a broken body, with the aid of doctors and therapists, I was able to sit up on my own. My mom took this picture of me the first time I was lifted from the bed into a special chair. After many tears, she wiped my face and I smiled. I was a survivor.

Someone Needs To Hear This

I know it hurts and I know you are afraid. I know exactly what this kind of thing does to your self esteem. But none of this was really about you. It was all about that perverted abuser. Please. I beg you. Don’t believe those harsh words that they uttered to you while you were at the most vulnerable place in your life. After all of the pain that they caused you they will continue to justify their actions at your own personal expense, even while they are walking out the door. 

But hunny, enough is enough. You have done nothing wrong. 

N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

I’m Not A Survivor

I do in fact live, and I do in fact have bipolar, but I’m not a bipolar “survivor”. If you want to make it sound like I lived through a vicious grizzly attack, I think you’re wrong. I am bipolar; everyday. There’s no through, just in. I am a person living with a disorder, just like every other person living with a disorder. If you want to be honest about it, I’m a bipolar “liver”, but no one seems to insist on saying that.

I’m also not a sexual abuse survivor, a bad childhood survivor or a car accident survivor. Those things happened, and now they’re over. I don’t feel the need to claim great championship over things I had no control over in the first place.

It is what it is. But I sure ain’t no survivor.